What Do You Mean When You Say Goodbye?

I first wrote this post on 4th March 2014. However, my apologies because I couldn’t remember why I did not publish it two years ago. The worst part is, I even forgotten who is the ex-best friend I was writing about until I finished reading the entire post, sat and pondered for a few minutes. That’s how much I have forgotten about this person.

The strangest feeling came to me when I read the only question highlighted in orange and the answer which came to my mind as of 6th February 2016 was:

There isn’t any at the moment. 

I surprised myself very much today when I read my answer two years ago. Two years later, I can’t even remember you anymore? What happened to me? Maybe it wasn’t just you who didn’t treasure our friendship, but it was me as well who did not treasure our friendship because I let my ego go all the way out. But you know what, I am glad that my ego came in place. With the utmost and greatest gratitude to my ego all these years, I realized what a shitty person and friend you were. However, I haven’t changed my mind about wishing you all the best. In fact, when I thought about you, I still hope you will always be happy and that you will appreciate your current love which you’ve sacrificed so much for.

Take care my ex-best friend! I hope I don’t find another unpublished post about you in my drafts anymore =P…

~+~

4th March 2014

This post is inspired by a WhatsApp conversation long ago (Which I did not notice thus no reply!) and I happen to see it today as I was clearing my inbox:

If you had a chance, which broken friendship in your life would you choose to repair?

Instantly, this one ex-best friend came to my mind and I actually almost teared but I did not *Pats self for being strong*. This person and I were only friends for a few months before we said goodbye to one another. Little did I realize, that was the final goodbye because after that, it all ends with good morning.

Our friendship was beautiful if played backwards from this point. But in life, it is only the forward option that we have. Tonight, I thought about you and the friendship that we used to share. You humiliated me in public not just once, but twice and yet, I still find warmth in my heart to forgive you.

I surprise myself because normally, I wouldn’t forgive but to you, no matter how angry I am with you, I would remember how your phone calls without her by your side sounded so friendly and welcoming. People whom I talk to back then told me this is love but to me, this isn’t love because we wouldn’t fight for anything just to have each other’s friendship again.

Maybe we felt that whatever happened, we are still friends even if we can’t be best friends but to me, it has ended and nothing you do can revive it again. You don’t even remember what we said to each other and this says a lot. I have been at the disappointing end for such a long time and when I moved on two years ago, it is one of the best feeling and decision ever.

Right now, I would only wish you well, that you receive only the very best and true happiness in your life even though we are no longer friends.

Protected: Months Later…

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Love or Infatuation

I shouldn’t have clicked on it. Now, I am looking at your picture and all the more I felt like we are meant to be. Like, YOU AND I TOGETHER AND WE ARE MEANT TO BE FOR NOW – why wouldn’t everyone else think so too? Why are people telling me that this is just an infatuation? Why?

I really like you but I know sooner or later, I might fall out of love with you so perhaps this is just an infatuation? But how is it that my heart says it’s love? I picture us being together, going everywhere together and we will definitely look so good together. I know people would love you but they think that we are not good for each other.

Is this another Romeo and Juliet love story? Is this another heartbreak that I have to go through? Do I really walk away from you? Should I just discard your picture when all I want is just to have you, to be yours and you to be mine. I really am crazy right now.

My heart says drop everything and go for it but my brain says you cannot handle my fickleness and I wouldn’t be loyal. How do we go about this? How can we be together? I need faith and strength to go through this. I will be crazier [Because I am already crazy] anytime soon if I don’t decide. What if you are not mine? What if you are meant to be with someone else? I don’t know how you feel towards me so please, let me know soon. Give me a sign or a hint, I promise to look out for it.

Ah… What do I do now to be yours?

#onlineshopping

#thingsonlineshoppingdotome

Protected: I Thought About You

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The Crush

I watched one episode of my favourite show and the cast were all talking about crush. It is about the most painful moment one has to go through during a crush in teenage years. When the topic came up, I was thinking to myself:

Crush? Teenager? Uhh… Who was it? 

To whoever it is, so sorry but I have really forgotten about you hahaha! Teenage years seem so far away now. Just when one of the casts said when a crush turned into a real relationship, it may not necessarily be the best experience. I laughed loudly but never put any thought into it. I felt that it made sense though! After the show ended, I went to bed and I begin thinking about it. Crush? Who? When? Where? How? What was the most painful experience for me? And guess what, this was the first thing that came to my mind:

Good to know all of these people punya true colours. 

Sounded pretty over positive and cold-hearted of me but I wanted to blog about this so that I will always remember it in years to come. Oh forgot to mention that one of the casts said that he really loves his first crush. All I could think about when he said that is:

I love myself the most. 

Ah self-obsession hahahahahaha! Anyway, after some time, I thought about Charles [Not his real name] back in 2008. Now that I can think better and clearer [Or so I think], he is really realistic and cold-hearted. Well, I still hope that you will always be happy wherever and whoever you are with despite our more than complicated ‘friendship’.

Anyway, the show ended with the answer – being left to wait on him/her. Come to think about it, that’s pretty true. Well, I think it is always better to draw a clear line. At least, that person gets to move forward in life. I think this make sense [Or so I think, again] as it is always happier [In a way] to know where you stand in that person’s life rather than guessing, hoping and going through all the what ifs.

Reminder to self: If a crush ever happens after so many years again, put on your spectacles and take a clearer look. Chances are, you could see how the ending is like before you would even need to take a/an (un)necessary walk down the road. People do not change, even if they do, it’s probably always for the worst. And do not expect anything from anyone at all.

AD: Mango

Not sure if you guys ever have this problem… But I always have a problem of choosing the best clothes to wear on a date. Even though people are telling me that I have too many clothes but still… I doubt if it’s ever enough for me 😛 . Anyway, let me take you guys through this brand which I was introduced to recently:

Mango is a well-known brand especially among women as the brand provides trendy fashionable clothing at the best reasonable price. From tops, dresses, jeans and outerwear, women can definitely find their favourite pieces to add into their fashion wardrobe at home. Mango have the answer for you. Women can create various adorable yet sophisticated looks with Mango clothing collection.

If I am in the mood to throw on some sweet innocent look, I will pick a floral dress. I have always felt that floral theme clothes are always girlish and suitable for a day date at the fun fair, coffee shop or movies. My best friends can vouch for the number of times I wore floral dresses whenever I am out with them.

Basic front looking dress with sexy back cut-out ❤ 

Apart from having too many floral dresses, I have way too many black dresses as well. I have always felt that black dress is a stapler item for any wardrobe. In fact, black is never out of trend! Personally, I felt that black is always sexy especially if paired with high heels [Wootz!]. Wearing black often allows me to pull off more dramatic accessories but at the same time, the accessories doesn’t take the glam away from the black dress [Double win!]

Simple, chic and sexy ❤ 

Sometimes when I would like to dress more casually for a light and easy date, I can never go wrong with a lovely top paired with jeans. Jeans are always trendy and sometimes, simplicity is the key to beauty 😉 !

If you would like a wardrobe change, visit new Mango clothes [Click on it!] through ZALORA as they offer Mango online for women at the best price ever.

P/S: If you didn’t know yet, I am an avid shopper at Zalora Malaysia! Shopping has never been so easy. I can even shop when it’s two in the morning. All you need is internet and a browser 😉 !

The Past, Present and Future

This post was written on 31st December 2012. Back then, it wasn’t published because I didn’t find a good reason to when I finished writing. All these years when I read back this post, I always remember the entire scenario and how I was never appreciated. At the end of it all, it is ultimately my fault because they are never wrong.

As I read through the post, I noticed that I did not write anything regarding the future because it scares me! There is a huge knot in front of me that I have yet to undo because I didn’t want to. Some best friends joked saying that I need someone to undo the knot for me but I know that for now, I am the only one who can undo it. The choice is in my hands and yet I refused because I believe that for now I am much happier this way. Anyway, I thought I would amend the title by omitting the future but I wanted to keep the originality of the post hehe.

~*~

31st December 2012

I personally enjoy reading true heart contents on people’s blog because I find them very sincere, inspiring and touching when they do so. As for me, I am not so much of a person who wears my heart on my sleeve on my blog because quote the mastermind Ee Jane – afraid of being too exposed. Usually, my true heart contents are locked up in a password protected post on my blog but today, I am going to do so without a password. Why? Because today, I feel like sharing.

In December 2009, I watch you introduce her to me and I smiled. I shook her hand.  It feels cold, strange and awkward. It feels like the past is trying to reconnect with the present so it is a no wonder the past ought to be left in the past. There is no more hurt, no more tears and no more words left to say – or perchance, I think so it is that way.

In March 2012, I held his hand as we walk through the crowd. Someone called out his name, I turned to look and I saw no one. As I turn to look back again, I saw his past looking at me. It feels cold, strange and awkward too. Why do I even feel that way? I am the present and she is the past. Three years ago I have always wondered how does it feels like being in the present to meet the past and today, I got the answer – it still does not feel right in any way. Why? Because the past and present can never connect.

In August 2012, in one of the recent events [Click here], I met W [Click here for the full story] and he was with his girlfriend. What I did not mention in any of the two posts is that my heart felt very cold when I saw him. I wonder how does he feel when he sees me but then I just remembered now that he is one cold-blooded reptile so I don’t think he will feel a thing.

In December 2012, in one of the recent events as well, I was made to face my past 4 years ago – a person whom I never want to remember anymore. When you are placed in a juxtaposition with your past with his present in between, what do you do?