Monthly Archives: June 2018

November 2012

June 2018

I think I really enjoyed reading my drafts which I never published back then. The good part is I can’t even remember why I did not publish it back then. But well, I guess, I will do so now because it seems interesting to me. Initially I couldn’t remember who it was and what colour the shirt was. However, after a while, I remembered. I remembered it all and I could even replay the entire scene in my head again.

It wasn’t pleasant but today I am glad that I made the right decision to not walk into the library. The worst part? I mentioned that there were two songs but I could only remember one of it! I am going to write it down before I really forget about it. One of the songs is Way Back Into Love. It was from the movie Music and Lyrics. Wa not bad, I still remember 😛 . We were listening to this particular song almost every day together and we stupidly said it was our friendship song.

Since I remember so many things now, I might as well just write it down in case I don’t remember it anymore! I still remember when we talked about movie, we talked about Music and Lyrics. I think I said it wasn’t a very nice show and somehow you agreed too. As the chat went on longer, we realized that we have so much in common especially when we said that the song was the best part of the movie. I remember telling myself in my head as we were talking that for the rest of my life, I would love to just see you smile and look at me that way. I must be so stupidly in love with you back then.

~*~

November 2012

I think I saw you walking into the library. I recognize the shirt that you are wearing. I stopped right there and I saw you looking over for a moment. You walked into the library while I make my way to the library doorstep but I stopped myself from entering. I pushed myself forward and I walked away. Although I wanted to confirm if it is you that I saw but deep down, I would prefer to not know because it doesn’t makes a difference to me anymore. I guess I’ll just get the reference book another time.

As I walked away, I was reminded of two songs that I have heard over the radio. And because the lyrics reminded me so much of you, whenever I hear the songs I would be reminded of you and the bright smile that you have. But at the same time, I would be reminded of what a selfish person you can be. I guess this is why we can’t never be together.

~*~

Advertisements

Life’s Biggest Regret

I was going through my blog draft and I happen to see this interesting title. I clicked on it to see what it is about and to my surprise, I laughed. If you read the post, basically I surprised myself four years ago too wtf hahaha! Anyway, when I first read the question in this post about my biggest regret, the answer that I have as of today [14th June 2018] is that there is nothing that I regret at the moment. It is strange how things just change in a span of four years. But oh well, four years is a very long time.

I thought I would make this post password protected but then I thought it would be nice for it to be public. Reason? It was an enlightening post for me at this moment. Anyway, let’s see what my answer was four years ago!

~*~

3rd May 2014

I thought about this blog post when I woke up from my nap. This was a question asked by a colleague when we talked about the mistakes we made in life. She said to me:

You seem to have no regrets for so many things. But I am sure you have one moment which you wish you have done or said something differently. 

At that point of time, I couldn’t give her an answer. I told her I will blog about it if I ever have the answer because this seems like a blog post worthy topic haha! So I woke up from my nap and thought about it. To my surprise, my mind went back to 2008 and I saw myself with Ee Jane distancing away because I went to Form 6 and she went to college. I don’t really remember how far we went but I do admit it is my fault. Despite having new friends, she still asked me out and I wasn’t very keen to go out due to personal issues.

From my memory, I rejected going out with her many times until she gets very angry with me. I think I wasn’t being very direct and honest with her as well. Even though our friendship distanced away, I still tell people that she is my number 1 best friend. At the end of 2009, I faced emotional trauma from friends and studies. I made so many mistakes and at the end of the day, I don’t know why but I called her or I got her to call me. We talked and she was so kind. She even advised me and I remember vividly she said:

I am sure you won’t terkalah to her! You play games one right? Game players only have one aim – that is to win. So you treat this as a game and win the game la! 

After talking to her, I remember feeling so much better and motivated. The next day, I studied very, very hard and put aside all emotional problems because I know that, this is a game challenge. Haha! I know right what a thing to say! I really love playing games – particularly online games hehehe! In the end, I am glad that I won the game gracefully or so I think. Well, as I have mentioned in many previous post, many times, I am never sure if I am a good friend but I do know that sometimes I am a bad and ignorant friend because of my selfishness. Therefore, I am forever grateful to my best friends who actually tolerated with my selfishness and ignorance. I secretly think that they love me because I sedar diri and very tak tau malu hahaha!!

Anyway, if I am ever given a chance to avoid having this biggest regret in my life, I would. I would promise Ee Jane that we can hang out in her house and watch a movie! I was so stupid back then. I thought that if wanna hang out, we have to go to a mall or eat pizza. Hey, I was naive okay! *Defensive* I do agree that I take a very long time to learn my lesson but when I do, I will always remember it because you cannot be such a fool to repeat your mistake twice.

Initially, I thought that my answer would be related to a love conflict but ta-da, I surprised myself and probably everyone. Therefore, I conclude, for a person or decision/incident to be your biggest regret ever, that person or decision/incident has to be very important. And it has to be so important that you would never want to lose it and you wish that you had a chance to turn back time to make things right again [This is another ajaran sesat].

To me, regrets are only real if you look back at it and KNEW that you would have done/said something better. If you look back and wish you would have done or said something differently, but if you were really given a chance to do so, WOULD YOU? I have said no to many incidents and this is how I live without regrets for now because you gotta let go of what you cannot change. Hehe, I guess you can say that I am stubborn. Also, as I would like to end this post with a positive note, here is what I found in one of my retweeted tweets on Twitter a long, long time ago:

When you really care about someone, their mistakes never change our feelings because it is the mind that gets angry but the heart that still cares. 

Well, I guess this is the case for Ee Jane and I. Hopefully our friendship will always stay strong despite any differences or difficulties that we may face in the future. I hope in many years to come, we will always be each other’s number 1 best friend [And then we can boast about all the things we went through together – the good and the bad. Oh and not to forget, we can also be inspirational to other people 😛 . Can’t be role model student but we can be role model best friends!].

~*~

Reading this post four years later made me smile and laugh. I guess we truly did really treasure each other back then but things did not go in a favourable direction. However, like what I have always believed, it is all for now for the very best. Things worked out for now and when you hold a seasonal pass, you have to toss it out when it expires because you can’t use it anymore. The good and bad memories from the trip remain but most of all, we must never forget the lesson that we have learnt from it.

Protected: Looking Forward

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: