Monthly Archives: June 2017

The Late Apology

In 2010, I never knew that four years later I would receive an apology from the said person I wrote about in this post [Click here]. I still remember that day clearly as if it was all yesterday. And I even remembered that two years later in 2012, we met each other face to face, eye to eye but we walked away [I have documented it down here]. Sometimes when I happened to walk past the bookstore where we accidentally met each other, I would remember the shock look on his face. So it seems like he didn’t leave my life after all wtf hahaha. How impressive. If only I actually did remember my school notes this well, I am pretty sure I would have gotten all As.

However, four years past 2010, I received a happy birthday message from him on Facebook. To be honest, I was surprised and with utmost sincerity, I hoped that he didn’t wish me wtf. I hope that he didn’t wish me so that I wouldn’t need to be polite and say thank you. Actually, I have no idea why was I being polite to him anyway when he wasn’t polite to me at all wtf. Oh I remember. I didn’t want to be rude like him for now wtf.

Twelve hours past the birthday wish, he sent me this message which I then forwarded to anyone who knew about this story:

It’s..probably way too late, but I’m really sorry for what happened a few years back. That was really immature of me. 😕

So you tahu way too late also la. Anyway, I gracefully ignored the message because this is what you do to redundant messages received from strangers [You know how some people don’t answer calls from unknown numbers. Yea, just like that.]. To me, it is a late apology and no longer that much about forgiveness. You have hurt someone deeply and if you think an apology is enough, you must be kidding yourself. Anyway, I am pretty sure that he isn’t looking for forgiveness but just want to be guilt-free wtf. I am not looking forward to more apologies or whatever to mend the friendship again because, we can’t stay as friends anymore for now.

I am writing this to remind myself that though I don’t feel the hurt and pain anymore, but I knew that I was being disrespected and betrayed back then. Even seven years later at this moment, I still stand by every single word I have written in all the posts about him. If you wonder why am I inspired to write this today, here’s why:

I clicked on a video shared by a friend on Facebook about love languages. On the video it says must watch before you break up wtf.

So I thought I would watch it and reevaluate my past relationships one by one and see if we should break up or walk away back then wtf. I was also trying to see if I regretted any of my decisions made back then wtf.

I am sure you know my answer if you know me well enough. The answer is of course… NO for now! Are you crazy?! The reason why I ditched those fuckers is because they are all useless for now wtf. 

Anyway, when I first thought about him along my trail of thoughts, I remembered the look on his face when he pressed for a queue number in TM Point and he sighed loudly when he saw that the number was a combination of his so-called-love-him-very-much ex girlfriend’s birthday date and month. Then I remembered how I caught him lying and how betrayed and cheated I felt. I surprised myself actually when I read the post in 2012 that I remembered the nice memories about the both of us when I first saw him wtf. Years later, I guess the memory cover picture changed wtf.

Today, I don’t think it is a waste that we are no longer friends for now because looking back seven years later, our ‘friendship’ was a one way traffic all the time. It was just me listening to you, comforting you and telling you that everything is going to be okay. On the other hand, I received nothing but lies, betrayal, sadness, humiliation, hurt and pain. Just so you know, traffic is always two ways.

Seven years down the road, I want to thank my still best friend for now, Melissa Khoo for advising me to send the blog link to him. Thank you for the encouragement and courage! Quote Melissa back in 2010:

Just send it to him since you have already written it. 

I still remember her supportive words and she sent me a text message telling me that if a man is worth it, he wouldn’t make me cry. And I also remember my two roommates comforting me in the room when I was crying horribly on my bed. I also remember Ee Jane’s question to me back 2010, which is to remember to tell her when I finally feel stupid about it. Since I can’t directly reply her now, here’s the reply:

I felt stupid probably after about two months the said incident happened wtf.

To Wei Qi, thank you for the reminder and song dedication that:

It isn’t love, it is that I am used to your presence in my life. It is an actualization that it isn’t because I am worried about you but more of, I am not willing to be left alone just like this.

To all of you, thank you for your love and support back then. I truly appreciate it even after seven years and will continue to appreciate it for life.

To you whom I have forgotten a long, long time ago, I sincerely hope that you are always well enough to be consumed by the guilt back in 2010. I never wanted you to forget about me and I hope that, just like me, you will always remember me when you walk past the said bookstore back in 2012.