This post was written on 31st December 2012. Back then, it wasn’t published because I didn’t find a good reason to when I finished writing. All these years when I read back this post, I always remember the entire scenario and how I was never appreciated. At the end of it all, it is ultimately my fault because they are never wrong.
As I read through the post, I noticed that I did not write anything regarding the future because it scares me! There is a huge knot in front of me that I have yet to undo because I didn’t want to. Some best friends joked saying that I need someone to undo the knot for me but I know that for now, I am the only one who can undo it. The choice is in my hands and yet I refused because I believe that for now I am much happier this way. Anyway, I thought I would amend the title by omitting the future but I wanted to keep the originality of the post hehe.
31st December 2012
I personally enjoy reading true heart contents on people’s blog because I find them very sincere, inspiring and touching when they do so. As for me, I am not so much of a person who wears my heart on my sleeve on my blog because quote the mastermind Ee Jane – afraid of being too exposed. Usually, my true heart contents are locked up in a password protected post on my blog but today, I am going to do so without a password. Why? Because today, I feel like sharing.
In December 2009, I watch you introduce her to me and I smiled. I shook her hand. It feels cold, strange and awkward. It feels like the past is trying to reconnect with the present so it is a no wonder the past ought to be left in the past. There is no more hurt, no more tears and no more words left to say – or perchance, I think so it is that way.
In March 2012, I held his hand as we walk through the crowd. Someone called out his name, I turned to look and I saw no one. As I turn to look back again, I saw his past looking at me. It feels cold, strange and awkward too. Why do I even feel that way? I am the present and she is the past. Three years ago I have always wondered how does it feels like being in the present to meet the past and today, I got the answer – it still does not feel right in any way. Why? Because the past and present can never connect.
In August 2012, in one of the recent events [Click here], I met W [Click here for the full story] and he was with his girlfriend. What I did not mention in any of the two posts is that my heart felt very cold when I saw him. I wonder how does he feel when he sees me but then I just remembered now that he is one cold-blooded reptile so I don’t think he will feel a thing.
In December 2012, in one of the recent events as well, I was made to face my past 4 years ago – a person whom I never want to remember anymore. When you are placed in a juxtaposition with your past with his present in between, what do you do?