The Saddest Moment of My Freshman Year

This post was first written on 1st September 2011 and the final draft was completed by 8th September 2011. It was not published back then due to various reasons which I cannot remember right now. Reading back this post made me laugh and I am really, really glad that I penned it down! It is such a good memory and it reminded me of how much I have learnt and grew throughout the years! 🙂 Do enjoy this post as much as I do 😉 🙂 ❤

~*~

P/S: All images are from Photobucket : ) 

I don’t really want to write about this because it is a really, really heartrending story but when I thought about it over and I think, this is a pretty interesting story in a way so yea, I am gonna share it here.

At the point of time where this incident takes place, I was searching for the end of a rainbow that I saw two years ago. The person involved in this story, we shall call him Roy; which isn’t his real name of course. Roy and I were best of friends that have been destined to never be together. He left to chase his childhood dreams and ambition and I waited because he said that we will meet again one day because we are fated to be together. Yes, I waited and this is one of the dumbest decisions that I have ever made.

What hurts the most was being so close. And having so much to say and watching you walk away – What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts 

One year later, Roy was accepted into University of Malaya – the university that both of us promised to meet each other again. In that one year of separation, I saw his photographs with another girl on Friendster and Facebook but I did not question or say anything because he completely ignored me that one whole year. Some time later, he contacted me again and when I asked him about the other girl whom I saw on his social networking pages, he ignored my question and until today I never knew the answer but it doesn’t matter anymore.

我可以划一个圈把自己关在里面 [Translation: I can draw a circle and shut myself in it]

把回忆挡在外面 [Translation: And leave the memories outside]

却不能停止想念在我的天空蔓延 [Translation: But I can’t help but to miss our skies]

他有的善良和善变 [Translation (Play of word in Chinese): His goodness and fickleness]

我可以划一个圈当做是完美句点 [Translation: I can draw a circle and assume it as the perfect full stop]

-可以不可以 by 丁当-

By then, I as already filled with doubts and he told me to give both of us another chance to prove that we are meant to be together. He told me that he will wait for my acceptance into the University of Malaya and he has strong confidence that we will see each other in university and by then, we will talk things out and everything else will be okay. So yes, I naively told him that I will take the chance because in a way, I wanted to arrive at the end of the rainbow with him.

I close my eyes. And try to hide. But I wake when this dreams collide – Dreams Collide by Colbie Caillat

Seven months later, I was accepted into University of Malaya and when I met him again, he told me very rudely in public that he already has someone else with him. I was speechless and dumbfounded. But nevertheless, I did not cry [Which I feel extremely proud of myself] and I tried my best to not hold on. It was easy in a way for me because there is no firm attachment in the very first place although sometimes it hurts when the memories come back because of two songs and I am glad that today I can listen to these songs without feeling acrimonious anymore.

I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end – Way Back Into Love by Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore

But several months later, I saw Roy in Dewan Tunku Canselor [DTC] lobby after two performances and I saw his girlfriend walking towards him. I saw the smile on his face when the girl held his arm and I walked away. At that time, at the back of my mind, I realized that all I have is myself and I was left to watch them together but nevertheless, I wished him all the best because I knew that I shouldn’t ill-wish my best friend or anyone else. As I turned and walked away, I felt the same heart sinking feeling when we said goodbye three years ago but I braved myself to not look back and I told myself that I must always look forward to what lies ahead and I smiled because I know that – I can do it no matter what it takes.

这次我走开再没有话要说出来 [Translation: I walked away this time around without saying anything at all]

我不想再期待走下去还能多精彩 [Translation:  I don’t wish to go on anymore to know how more exciting it can be]

我不了解你怎能心安 [Translation: I don’t understand how you can be peace at heart]

-你为什么说谎 by 丁噹-

A few days later, I happen to be at the place where everything started and all the memories came flooding back. It made me realized that what has been said and has been done cannot be taken back or undone ever again although in a way I felt like a failure for not letting it go yet. This is when I realize that I must really, really let go and move on for real. Upon arriving home, after a good sleep – I told myself that I will and must still move on with my life even though in a way I felt like I was being cheated and lied to.

In the end, I realized that I had arrived at the end of the rainbow alone a long time but I was too busy holding on to the past to realize it. I have learnt a lot of lessons from the saddest moment of my freshman year and my lips carved a smile because it has all happened for the best.

When we were 18, we were both in love naively and we were best of friends once upon a time. When we were 18, we talk about how cool it is to be in the same university and we will go out sometimes for lunch, dinner and movies just like how we have always dream about. 

Now we are both 21, we have both moved on and we no longer speak to each other. We are both in the same university but there isn’t any lunch, dinner or movies together because that dream will always remain as our dream once upon a time.

Now that I have moved on, I can safely conclude that this is simply one of the happy ending stories in my life that I can now smile from my heart. 

~*~

I know Roy is still reading my blog and I just wanted to say thank you, Roy for everything : ). I used to wonder what went wrong between us and now I know; nothing went wrong between us but we are destined to meet someone else who can love us more than what we both can give to each other.

It has been a year plus and I have totally forgotten about it until I have to write this post but the greatest lesson that I have learnt from the saddest moment [Saddest moment doesn’t means that you have to shed tears!] of my freshman year is that:

The best pay back to people who had hurt you in any way is by living well, better and happier – all without them in it. 

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2 responses to “The Saddest Moment of My Freshman Year

  1. your last line made me rofl =D a sad story but the ending is unexpected. are u a scorpio?

  2. Jeremy: haha! im glad that it made u rofl! 😛 no, i am not a scorpio 😛 why do you think so? 😛

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