4th June 2013
I place my mascara carelessly on the table as I pick my lip colour from the pouch. I have heard too much over the weekend and there is too much to digest. The truth that I got out of a ‘confrontation’ on Saturday made me relieved, as if I was convinced that I will not be lied to. The ‘confrontation’ was made because I really wanted to know if you would lie to me if you could. But when it turns up that you did not, I was surprised that I did not know whether to be happy or sad but in the end, I realized it was because I did not care at all from the very beginning. I guess, I just wanted to know out of curiosity.
On Sunday, I found out that I have been lied to for 10 years. It does not matter if you lied to me 10 years ago because I always try can see it as ‘my memory faded/failed’ but now I can never do so because 10 years later, you still say the very same thing to me. Ee Jane asked me – what if this friend of mine is telling the truth that only I know about but yet I doubted it because she knows how drama my life can be without even needing me to do anything at all. As I awoke from my short slumber, I scrolled back the conversation and told her that I don’t care at all.
Now that I think about it, for 11 years of my life I called this friend of mine a good/close friend but today, I just said I don’t care at all about this friend and I really do mean it. Someone I knew used to ask me this rather frequently – when was the last time I sincerely felt warm at heart. My answer till this very day remains – I can’t remember because it is such a long time ago.