40 Seconds Love Story

I am still here. I have not disappeared from blogging but rather, I have too many posts which I deemed as too personal to be shared. However, I have been reading back my old blog posts and I must say, it was a journey on its own for myself! I have laughed, felt how negatively I felt at a few points and most importantly, I actually said:

Good job for saying that into his/her face. 

As you can/may guess it, I have forgotten a lot of which happened back then. At times, halfway through reading, I muttered:

Didn’t I say anything to slap this idiot back in his/her face?? 

And when I did, I was pleased. Lol. Memang tak serik-serik saya. Also, this shows how much I have changed. Got la. Not much. So I guess for now I am pretty constant. Hahaha! Anyway, today’s topic is about my 40 seconds love story. Saddest part? Probably the shortest love story ever. Happiest part? My heart fluttered for a second.


One evening on 21st September 2016, I was in front of my computer writing my thesis while going crazy. Then, my phone rang. I looked at it and I didn’t recognize the number on my phone.

Me: Hello? *Praying it’s not someone I know whose number I happily deleted by accident* 

Caller: Hello Sam?

At this point, my heart fluttered for a second. DUDE VOICE SOUNDED DAMN NICE. IT’S CRAZY. I KNOW. And I panicked because anyone who calls me Sam are probably people who know me well/close enough to me and like can be super offensive la if I really didn’t save/deleted their numbers. I was thinking to myself which of my guy friend has such a nice voice? The last person I knew who has such nice voice has been disowned by me for now.

Me: Yes?

Caller: Sam??

Me: Yes? Who are you? *Damn blatant hahaha but I really don’t know who it is!* 

Caller: *Laughs* This is Jeff here. Are you still in the office? *Dude probably thinks I am pulling his leg* 

Me: Excuse me? Jeff?

I was like what office, I am at home! Anyway, I actually clicked and typed on my Facebook search bar – JEFF, only to see a whole list of people I don’t remember/know. I got confused and panicked. Who is this Jeff who knows me? Shit happens okay. If it’s right out in public, I can pretend to not see that person or just wave and quickly walk away in a hurry without saying hello. This is on the phone! To suddenly hang up is like quite rude so anyway, we continue:

Caller: Samantha right?

Me: Yes. You are? 

Caller: Jeff Ong/Leong 

Me: Huh? *I was hoping he would say I’m Jeff from _____. Like, shed some light for me la then I can go oooooooo* 

Caller: *Silent* I think I got the wrong number. Sorry. 

Me: Okay. 

That’s it. I was disappointed because it was a wrong number. He has such nice voice. Hahaha! The whole conversation took 40 seconds thus, this is my 40 seconds love story. Okay la, I did add his number to my contact list to see if he has WhatsApp [For the sake of viewing profile picture]. And he has! So I viewed his picture and horror of horrors… He is a decent looking man with facial features similar to people whom I do not want to remember anymore. Quickly, I deleted the number from my contact list and cleared my phone calls history.

And that’s how the story ended. Sorry for the disappointment if you are hoping for anything more.

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Protected: Confusion, Contradiction or Overthinking

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Protected: Instinct, Senses and Decision

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What Do You Mean When You Say Goodbye?

I first wrote this post on 4th March 2014. However, my apologies because I couldn’t remember why I did not publish it two years ago. The worst part is, I even forgotten who is the ex-best friend I was writing about until I finished reading the entire post, sat and pondered for a few minutes. That’s how much I have forgotten about this person.

The strangest feeling came to me when I read the only question highlighted in orange and the answer which came to my mind as of 6th February 2016 was:

There isn’t any at the moment. 

I surprised myself very much today when I read my answer two years ago. Two years later, I can’t even remember you anymore? What happened to me? Maybe it wasn’t just you who didn’t treasure our friendship, but it was me as well who did not treasure our friendship because I let my ego go all the way out. But you know what, I am glad that my ego came in place. With the utmost and greatest gratitude to my ego all these years, I realized what a shitty person and friend you were. However, I haven’t changed my mind about wishing you all the best. In fact, when I thought about you, I still hope you will always be happy and that you will appreciate your current love which you’ve sacrificed so much for.

Take care my ex-best friend! I hope I don’t find another unpublished post about you in my drafts anymore =P…


4th March 2014

This post is inspired by a WhatsApp conversation long ago (Which I did not notice thus no reply!) and I happen to see it today as I was clearing my inbox:

If you had a chance, which broken friendship in your life would you choose to repair?

Instantly, this one ex-best friend came to my mind and I actually almost teared but I did not *Pats self for being strong*. This person and I were only friends for a few months before we said goodbye to one another. Little did I realize, that was the final goodbye because after that, it all ends with good morning.

Our friendship was beautiful if played backwards from this point. But in life, it is only the forward option that we have. Tonight, I thought about you and the friendship that we used to share. You humiliated me in public not just once, but twice and yet, I still find warmth in my heart to forgive you.

I surprise myself because normally, I wouldn’t forgive but to you, no matter how angry I am with you, I would remember how your phone calls without her by your side sounded so friendly and welcoming. People whom I talk to back then told me this is love but to me, this isn’t love because we wouldn’t fight for anything just to have each other’s friendship again.

Maybe we felt that whatever happened, we are still friends even if we can’t be best friends but to me, it has ended and nothing you do can revive it again. You don’t even remember what we said to each other and this says a lot. I have been at the disappointing end for such a long time and when I moved on two years ago, it is one of the best feeling and decision ever.

Right now, I would only wish you well, that you receive only the very best and true happiness in your life even though we are no longer friends.

Protected: Months Later…

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Love or Infatuation

I shouldn’t have clicked on it. Now, I am looking at your picture and all the more I felt like we are meant to be. Like, YOU AND I TOGETHER AND WE ARE MEANT TO BE FOR NOW – why wouldn’t everyone else think so too? Why are people telling me that this is just an infatuation? Why?

I really like you but I know sooner or later, I might fall out of love with you so perhaps this is just an infatuation? But how is it that my heart says it’s love? I picture us being together, going everywhere together and we will definitely look so good together. I know people would love you but they think that we are not good for each other.

Is this another Romeo and Juliet love story? Is this another heartbreak that I have to go through? Do I really walk away from you? Should I just discard your picture when all I want is just to have you, to be yours and you to be mine. I really am crazy right now.

My heart says drop everything and go for it but my brain says you cannot handle my fickleness and I wouldn’t be loyal. How do we go about this? How can we be together? I need faith and strength to go through this. I will be crazier [Because I am already crazy] anytime soon if I don’t decide. What if you are not mine? What if you are meant to be with someone else? I don’t know how you feel towards me so please, let me know soon. Give me a sign or a hint, I promise to look out for it.

Ah… What do I do now to be yours?